F*ck The Rules

F*ck The Rules

Fred’s is not unlike any other west coast beach bar.  Filled with women and men testing the limits of their inebriation and sexual independence.  With each alcoholic beverage crawling then running toward the place where promiscuity and consequences can be swept under the rug with three little words, “I was drunk”.

Meet Liza.  An inexperienced twenty something completely unqualified when it comes to dishing advice on love and dating yet still feels compelled to do so.  To put it simply, she’s a fraud.

I was promised the opportunity to see her “in action”.  To be enlightened on the art of seduction.  As if I, at six years her senior and 30 times her experience level, would be seeking such knowledge from somebody with little more than a white belt in dating, sex and love.

More out of amusement than any real need to be educated by a child I watched as Liza and a mutual friend walked over to three men that we had been introduced to earlier.  Good looking, young men back from serving their country in Afghanistan.  If she was such a professional, she probably should have picked a more challenging trio.  Getting the number from somebody that has been away from the civilian population of women is what I would consider taking candy from a baby.

Me:  “How did it go with Mr. Afghanistan?”

Liza:  “Good.  I got him to smile.  He’s interested.”

Me:  “So, what the hell are you doing over here talking to me?”

Liza:  “Don’t worry about it.  I know what I’m doing.”

Me:  “Allllriiighty then.  You handle your business, Jezebel.”

Liza:  “You see, it’s all about the seduction.  I get their (men) attention, spark their interest then say ‘Peace out’ and walk away.  Right now, he’s thinking about me.  He still wants to talk to me.  I’ve intrigued him.  He’ll come to me now.”

In the midst of this art of seduction lesson, I’m ready to vomit.  Not only is she clearly crazy but she’s full of shit and has probably read “The Rules” half a dozen too many times.

I look over to see if Mr. Afghanistan is staring longingly in our direction waiting for Liza to grace his presence with her return.

He’s talking to another woman.

Well played, Liza.  Well played.  She walked away from a tall, dark and handsome man just back from serving his country.


Later on that evening…

Liza:  “All the cute guys are on the other end of the bar.  Let’s go check it out.”

Me:  “I’m going to stay right here and finish my cigarette, then go back inside.  Why don’t you and Nikki go check it out?”

10 minutes later…

Me:  “I see you are back alone.  How did it go?”

Liza:  “I don’t think I want to go man hunting with Nikki again.”

Me:  “And why not, pray tell?”

Liza:  “We have very different styles of flirting with men.  Nikki is too aggressive.  She just walks right up and starts talking to them.  I like to stand near them and let them come to me.”

Wait.  Nikki was actually talking to men?  Right out in public?  No fucking way!  How can she sleep at night knowing that she’s committed such an audacious act under the prying eyes of humanity?  I suppose she might have fared better had she just stood around the bar…alone…not even cracking a smile…no drink in hand, looking one step away from a homeless woman about to ask for a hand out.  Or in this case, a free drink.  How attractive.  At least Nikki was out talking to men instead of backed into a corner with me while I smoked.  I know I’m cute and all but I’m not putting out for Liza. 

This is what I took away from observing the two women in action:

Nikki – 1, Liza – 0.

Nikki = fun, friendly, outgoing and balls of steel.

Liza = afraid yet arrogant, boring as fuck and not nearly cute enough to pull off the “stand there and let them come to me” trick.

Lesson learned?  Dating rules are for amateurs and meant to be broken.  If you want something, go get it.  Following the so-called dating rules of any kind is just another way of playing games and according to most of the dating profiles I’ve read and people I’ve talked to, one of the top things people look for are people that don’t play games.  I have never regretted going up and talking to someone I found intriguing.  I have, however, regretted NOT going up and talking to somebody I was interested in.  To put it simply:

“I’d rather regret the things I’ve done than regret the things I haven’t done.” – Lucille Ball

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  1. Mike Masters
    December 20, 03:40 Reply
    Hahaha, Why do I feel like I know this person? Maybe at one point I will do a guest post to continue the story?? (Because ladies and gentlemen it gets even more entertaining than this, hahaha) <span class="cluv">Mike Masters recently posted..<a class="fc5521ad1e 637" rel="nofollow" href="http://feedproxy.google.com/~r/mikethemasterdater/~3/ufXEQrZ2us4/">How to have the perfect relationship – Trust me- it aint easy…</a></span>
  2. Atlguy
    December 20, 07:16 Reply
    Wow, thats great! Wish more women were like you and Nikki! Men love it when a woman approaches us and are usually so shocked and flattered that we won't blatantly reject them the way women will with us.
    • missmelisamae
      February 02, 08:30 Reply
      I think that proves my point exactly. Women are so afraid of being rejected that they don't realize that it's actually the other way around. Most men usually appreciate a woman that is willing the make the first move.
  3. L'Amoureuse
    December 20, 08:26 Reply
    I read the Rules a year ago and thought I'll try it and blog about it. And I must admit, like you I always went for the (very) direct approach and did not believe in the Rules in general (I'm in my 30's and have plenty of dating experience) but I must admit that it has taught me patience and to have a more relax approach with my dates. I still blog about my dating and try to apply the Rules to it, but I have never been great at following any type of Rules so these are my own version of it. Love your blog! <span class="cluv">L'Amoureuse recently posted..<a class="fe1fd50bff 640" rel="nofollow" href="http://lamoureusedating.blogspot.com/2010/12/trying-harder.html">Trying harder</a></span>
    • missmelisamae
      February 02, 08:32 Reply
      Thanks! I will admit that there are a few points that warrant validation when it comes to the rules but it can also be said that they are just basic common sense. What I don't agree with are the points trying to be made where things just become a game and the better player wins.
  4. Holly B
    December 20, 09:08 Reply
    Someone needs to tell Liza, when you got 'em on the hook, you don't let them dangle in the water....... you reel them up on the deck and clamp 'em to the tie line by the mouth before they get away. Damn!!! I'm glad I'm married. <span class="cluv">Holly B recently posted..<a class="4a84237cf5 641" rel="nofollow" href="http://midwesternmamah.blogspot.com/2010/12/too-far.html">Too Far</a></span>
    • missmelisamae
      February 02, 08:33 Reply
      I know, right!?! Once you've got that sucker, hang on tight!
  5. Alex
    December 20, 09:34 Reply
    Wow. This post is stellar! I've always been a proponent of "pressing the action" and I'm not just talkin' about pressing my nether regions into someone else's. THough, that's kinda hot. I know, I know. I'm a classy dude.
  6. girltrueheart
    December 20, 10:51 Reply
    I eagerly clicked on this heading because I thought I would be reading about how you're Effin the Rules and heading head-first into a long-distance affair with one of NY's Men in Blue. After getting over my disappointment, I still laughed my ass off imagining this scene going down. I'm pretty sure that even I, at age 40, could pick up better than Liza. <span class="cluv">girltrueheart recently posted..<a class="3025e12836 643" rel="nofollow" href="http://twitter.com/girltrueheart/statuses/16926070578094080">girltrueheart- RT @Jerry-Remy- Time again RedSox fans for Jerry &amp I to embarrass ourselves - The Pound Puppies singing Rudolph http-wwwjerryremysc </a></span>
    • missmelisamae
      February 02, 08:35 Reply
      I'm pretty certain that my sock drawer could do a better pick up than Liza.
  7. Lucky Girl
    December 20, 12:35 Reply
    Melisa = mc2!!!! You, my dear, are a FORCE. This post is stupendous! if I intentionally take some garbage, throw it on the ground and call it "Art", there will surely be a groundskeeper nearby to call my bluff. Such is Little Miss Liza's "Art of Seduction". I'm thinkin' perhaps she can also teach a fellatio class in which she stands there with her mouth open waiting for something to fill it. <span class="cluv">Lucky Girl recently posted..<a class="921c2f0b3e 644" rel="nofollow" href="http://howverylucky.com/little-girl-lost">Little Girl Lost</a></span>
    • missmelisamae
      February 02, 08:37 Reply
      That's brilliant. You and I need to hit the town and show these puppies how the "Art of Seduction" REALLY works!
  8. Pete Puma
    December 20, 12:56 Reply
    I always make sure I'm wearin' a shirt that fits a little tight so the babes can see I'm totally ripped. I usually get laid a coupla times a night when I go out. <span class="cluv">Pete Puma recently posted..<a class="c60cc7710f 645" rel="nofollow" href="http://www.tothechest.com/misc/gods-of-the-gym">Gods Of The Gym</a></span>
  9. Cougel
    December 20, 13:07 Reply
    This is hilarious. I thought it was about "The Rules" first (good hook!) but still love where you went with it.
    • missmelisamae
      February 02, 08:38 Reply
      Thanks! I guess you could say it was about "The Rules". In a mocking, round about, they are full of shit sort of way.
  10. Sharon
    December 20, 14:29 Reply
    I'm still laughing out loud at this post. It reminds me of a girlfriend of mine who's on about three different online dating sites and absolutely REFUSES to send an email to anyone. She's waiting for the guys to notice her and email first. I, on the other hand, will shoot off a (I think brilliantly worded) email to any guy who's profile catches my eye. Guess who gets more dates??? I'm with you girl, Eff the rules..:) <span class="cluv">Sharon recently posted..<a class="e78ed3d00b 647" rel="nofollow" href="http://lifebytesrealstories.wordpress.com/2010/12/20/why-online-dating-gets-a-bad-rep/">Why Online Dating Gets a Bad Rep</a></span>
  11. MsChick74
    December 20, 21:17 Reply
    Do gals still read the Rules? Hilarious. Great post, by the way. I always wonder about people who describe themselves as dating experts or any kind of expert for that matter.
    • missmelisamae
      February 02, 08:42 Reply
      I couldn't agree more. It's not like there is a class or college course. If being a dating expert can be determined by the amount of dating experience than I should be the Bill Gates of the dating community.
  12. Junket
    December 20, 21:21 Reply
    I loved this post. I absolutely CANNOT hang with a girl like Liza UNLESS, of course, I'm making fun of her to prove a point. There's a Liza in every crowd, eh? Make her do two jagerbombs next time and see how smooth she can be.
    • missmelisamae
      February 02, 08:47 Reply
      I really tried to give her the benefit of the doubt. When I realized that there was no use I just sat back and enjoyed the show.
  13. JupaMan
    December 21, 00:19 Reply
    HAHAHAHA I'm sure you didn't have the patience to school her in the right ways of doing it. Maybe she would have thought that you were nuts. oh well... <span class="cluv">JupaMan recently posted..<a class="12eaf3423a 653" rel="nofollow" href="http://www.jupaman.com/2010/12/19/twitter-weekly-updates-for-2010-12-19/">Twitter Weekly Updates for 2010-12-19</a></span>
    • missmelisamae
      February 02, 08:49 Reply
      You're right, I don't have the patience for a know it all.
  14. Z-Blue
    December 21, 07:03 Reply
    @Mike: because you do know this person....? ;) Miss Mae, I had to laugh when I read this post. And you know why. But I agree with you completely - all it takes is the confidence of an elephant (?) to talk to people. Hey, the worst that could happen is that you'd get a friendship out of it. Or, in my case, the phone number of a dashing young man. Feliz feliz!

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