Craigslist Gone Wrong

When I came to my sister with the latest batch of Craigslist gems, I figured we would both get a good laugh and be on our merry ways.  She didn’t react the way I had hoped…

*Shaking her head* “That’s really sad, Melisa.”

“But isn’t it FUNNY?!?  Come on, this guys specifically looking for a girl with herp-“

“Please stop.  I’m just glad I’m married.”

Eventually, my sister did laugh.  How could she not?  This was some seriously funny shit.  And now I’m going to share with you some of the highlights which will probably amuse and depress you all in the same breath.

Im straight(dont let the tight jeans fool u) – I love guessing games.

Some women are embarrassed about having big nips And some aren’t.

attached is a headless pic, I can’t find my head anywhere – No shit.

Be loved with double intensity (you guessed it…this is 2 dudes looking for 1 girl) – Is that what the kids are calling it these days?

Are u born Oct 10 to Nov 5, 1980? You could be my perfect match according to “Ki” astrology. – Could you be a little more specific?

i dont judge on looks. please put “cow” as ur subject line so i know ur not a bot – …or good looking.

MUST BE NATURAL AND HAIRY – You’re in the wrong town, buddy.

Hi I am a a bbw lover, who is married but not getting attention from home. Maybe it could be since my wife is 120lbs she does not find me attractive. – Or she knows you’re trolling CL looking for tail.

looks/weight/social status not an issue, just dont be a bitch – Guess that counts me out.

Extra points if you have a big clit or large lips!  – Sorry, I got nothin’.

Just moved back to el Monte, I’m not weird or anything. – If you have to put it in writing…

Looking 4 a Beaut iful girl who’s friends with the lovely Herpes – Does it have to be Herpes or will any run of the mill STD do?

grandpa seeking his naughty grand daughter (73) – Gross.

4/20, Adderall, and a Cute Guy – Ladies, this one is mine.

U a 420 GIRL w/BIG BOOBS that luvs ASSHOLES – Welcome to LA.

Let me rate your rack! – You would do that for me?  It’s really not necessary.  Really.

Anxiety and Depression in the City of Angels – Truer words have never been spoken.

JEWISH GUY HERE! MUTUAL MASTURBATION? OR YOU CAN JUST WATCH ME! – Oh can I?  Let me clear my calendar.

Let’s Suck Dick Together – Nah, I’m good.  I already ate.

And my personal favorite:

I’m the type of guy that will randomly reach and pull ur big titty out – Don’t say he didn’t warn you!

If these guys can’t find love then what hope is there for the rest of us?

18 Responses to: Craigslist Gone Wrong

  1. gravatar <cite class="fn">Single MuchNo Gravatar</cite> Reply
    August 30th, 2011

    This is pretty classic, lady. Too much. The grandpa one is particularly frightening.
    ps
    We have the same theme!

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    • gravatar <cite class="fn">missmelisamaeNo Gravatar</cite> Reply
      August 30th, 2011

      They’re all pretty creepy and sadly they weren’t very hard to find either.

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  2. gravatar <cite class="fn">MarrieNo Gravatar</cite> Reply
    August 30th, 2011

    From know on, if someone asks where have all the good men gone…I’ll be sure to tell them Craigslist! YIKES.
    Wasn’t sure whether to laugh or be very afraid!
    Marrie recently posted..Mother May I?

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    • gravatar <cite class="fn">missmelisamaeNo Gravatar</cite> Reply
      August 30th, 2011

      It’s actually pretty funny. After you’ve gotten all the crying out of your system.

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  3. gravatar <cite class="fn">Monica HamburgNo Gravatar</cite> Reply
    August 30th, 2011

    Awesome. Especially the “watch me” guy. I’ll get to him first!

    I love translating Craigslist ads from freak to English too.
    Monica Hamburg recently posted..Lack of Experience is the Best Teacher

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    • gravatar <cite class="fn">missmelisamaeNo Gravatar</cite> Reply
      August 30th, 2011

      You can have him. I get the cute guy that has pot and adderall.

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  4. gravatar <cite class="fn">ElleNo Gravatar</cite> Reply
    August 30th, 2011

    You’re so lucky. Such a buffet of candidates to choose from!

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    • gravatar <cite class="fn">missmelisamaeNo Gravatar</cite> Reply
      August 30th, 2011

      Lucky is exactly the word I’d use 😉

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  5. gravatar <cite class="fn">AmandaNo Gravatar</cite> Reply
    August 30th, 2011

    I don’t know whether I want to laugh or cry at these.

    And don’t pot and Adderall cancel each other out?
    Amanda recently posted..Smurf

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    • gravatar <cite class="fn">missmelisamaeNo Gravatar</cite> Reply
      August 30th, 2011

      Good point. He can add genius to his qualities.

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  6. gravatar <cite class="fn">The Lone BananaNo Gravatar</cite> Reply
    August 30th, 2011

    I think that last guy is just looking for a partner to Lamaze class.

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    • gravatar <cite class="fn">missmelisamaeNo Gravatar</cite> Reply
      August 30th, 2011

      HA! Phew, cause otherwise that would be just downright creepy.

      Nope, still creepy.

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    • gravatar <cite class="fn">missmelisamaeNo Gravatar</cite> Reply
      August 31st, 2011

      What’s not to love about a guy that randomly pulls your big titties out? Nothing.

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    • gravatar <cite class="fn">missmelisamaeNo Gravatar</cite> Reply
      September 8th, 2011

      Of course you do, darling.

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  7. gravatar <cite class="fn">SDNo Gravatar</cite> Reply
    October 7th, 2013

    The guy looking for someone with herpes probably has herpes. Nice of him to be honest and not just look to propagate the disease.

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    • gravatar <cite class="fn">missmelisamaeNo Gravatar</cite> Reply
      October 19th, 2013

      Gee, ya think?

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