Everything a Man Hates

See that title? Yeah, that’s about me. Or more specifically, that is what was written about me on my very own Facebook page:

“The more I read from you, the more I do not like you. You’re everything a man hates in a life partner and even a friend. See ya.”

Whoa, Nelly! EVERYTHING a man hates? Even in a friend? Wow. That’s a pretty strong statement there, Mister. Apparently, not only did I fuck his mom and not call her the next day but I also kicked his puppy. Of course, I beg to differ. By saying everything implies that man doesn’t care for my exquisite set of breasticles and derriere. Nor does man care for my sharp wit and ability to do the reverse cowgirl.

Also, earlier this week, on Twitter I was on a list titled “Lick My Ass: For people that can lick my ass all they want and I’ll still think they’re crap”.

While I can fully appreciate a good tossed salad and his ability to distinguish the difference between “there”, “their” and “they’re”, that’s not exactly what I would consider a good time. I don’t kiss ass and I most certainly don’t lick it. Especially the ass of an avatar with 97 followers. Save your lube for somebody else as you won’t be needing it with me.

And a year ago, a whole blog post was dedicated to what a cunt I was. The post was so well written that I was even quoted. I couldn’t help but appreciate the fact that homeboy had definitely done his homework. By the time I was finished reading War and Peace I was left speechless and defeated. But I need to thank the little asswipe for doubling my page hits and readership so in the end I was the victor.

Normally, I wouldn’t even respond to such nonsense on this blog but for some reason I feel compelled to do so now. Knowing that this may indeed open me up to even more unwanted scrutiny, I’m choosing to go forward with this post anyway. I’m outspoken on everything else so why not when it comes to somebody attacking my character?

These certainly haven’t been the only times since the inception of this blog that I’ve had to dodge hate mail and death threats and I’m positive it won’t be the last. I’m crass, I’m abrasive and I have an unfounded sense of self confidence. So fucking what?

I talk a lot of shit. I mean a LOT of shit. There’s certainly no denying that. I do not, however, turn around and send it to the people that I’ve written about. Unless I become notably famous, I seriously doubt that any of the men I have brazenly bashed and mocked for the benefit of humor will ever see or know that my amusement was at their expense. I would consider the above mentioned dickwads full of bravado if it weren’t for them hiding behind a computer screen under the shadow of anonymity.

The first time I received a negative reaction to my writing I almost quit. The thought that I had angered somebody so much as to turn their blog and my Twitter page into a battlefield was almost too much to bear. Having spent days fielding comments and DM’s from people asking why I was even alive definitely took the wind out of my sail and made me question if I was doing the right thing by putting myself and my inner most thoughts in such a public forum. I know I can be abrasive but wishing me death? Now that’s a bit extreme, doncha think?

So, to all those that feel the need to shit on my parade and try to make themselves feel better because they don’t agree with me and the way I relate to things I have this to say:

Fuck you and the horse you rode in on.

Now, I’d really rather prefer that this be the last time I need to address this issue. I’m much more a fan of talking about sex and dick then I am of defending my actions and sharp tongue. To think my words and this little blog about sex and dating have garnered such animosity is really fascinating to me but as a wise friend once told me: “If people aren’t talking about you then you are doing something wrong.” If this is any indication of things to come then I’m headed in the right direction.

And one last thing, don’t bother leaving negative comments. I will delete them. Why? Because I can. That’s why.

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  1. Jeni
    July 29, 14:39 Reply
    Dude, you're so hot, fabulous and funny I want to date you. And I like dudes. Fuck those guys.
  2. jfb
    July 29, 14:43 Reply
    Wise words from the 19 foot woman. The ability to crack wise whilst doing reverse cowgirl cannot be underestimated. Fuck everyone who doesn't have love for you.<br /><br />oxo<br />jfb
  3. singleinmy30s
    July 29, 14:51 Reply
    You're fierce and furiously funny, and I admire the guts out of ya. Good for you for not bowing down to people who can't handle your fire!
  4. Annabelle
    July 29, 15:03 Reply
    Whenever people use the phrase "lick my ass" I get vaguely nauseated. Vaguely? Who am I kidding? I definitely vom.
  5. Lisa
    July 29, 15:21 Reply
    Fuck 'em in the ear. Fuck 'em in the other ear. Next to the Wife of Bath, you're the coolest bawdy broad around.
  6. Anonymous
    July 29, 15:22 Reply
    leave the horse out of it ... love ya! - bells
  7. Zoe Blue
    July 29, 17:18 Reply
    Melisa, this is an exquisitely written "fuck off" note to haters. And you know I love you. But this writing? It could possibly make me love you even more than my little heart can bear. Stay as wonderfully refreshing as ever. Rock ON!
  8. JupaMan
    July 29, 17:26 Reply
    how can anybody hate you? are they out of their fucking minds? don't they know how great you are? OMG people are stupid. I do have to say that I love the saying: <br /><br />“If people aren’t talking about you then you are doing something wrong.”<br /><br />I think I'm going to have to borrow that for my Jupa-Ism of the day. I like it a lot.
  9. MissMelisaMae
    July 29, 17:27 Reply
    When I switch over to Wordpress I'll be able to respond to each comment individually but till then this will have to do...<br /><br />Jeni - I just love you. That is all.<br /><br />JFB - Thank you for the words of inspiration. You know I must think you are pretty special when I quote somebody other than myself in a post. You know about my whole narcissism thing. xo<br /><br />singleinmy30's - I love everything about your comment. You mentioned my 3 favorite "F" words: Fierce, funny and fire!<br /><br />Annabelle - The phrase "lick my ass" also makes me nauseated. Glad to see I'm not alone!<br /><br />Lisa - Not sure who Wife of Bath is (email me the link) but I will assume she rocks and being called the "coolest bawdy broad around" will definitely insure your place as a pretty rad chick yourself in my eyes.<br /><br />Bells - I know how you feel about your horses.<br /><br />Zoe - As always, your comments always make me grin as the feeling is completely mutual. Also, thanks to you, I just realized I used the wrong form of "bear". Correcting now! xo
  10. singlegirlie
    July 29, 17:54 Reply
    Girl, I can relate. A while back a link to my blog wound up on a woman-hater's site and I got an onslaught of folks telling me what a bitch/whore/cunt I am. One of them even started a blog in my honor, just to hate on me. I still get comments from him but I just set them to go directly to spam. <br /><br />You've got an opinion. You've got an attitude. You've got moxie and you ain't afraid to share it. Good! Not everyone is going to like it and some people will fucking hate it. That's the way it goes for strong, ballsy people - especially women. But a lot of people will absolutely love it and that's your audience. <br /><br />Some people LOVE Madonna. Some people HATE her. But that's why she's Madonna and she's laughing all the way to the bank.<br /><br />What's that saying, "Well behaved women rarely make history"? Something like that. Well it's true. So anyone who'd rather you sit in a corner and watch the world go by can lick their own asses. And if they choose to spend their time hating on others, then I think they're the ones with the bigger problem.<br /><br />So ROCK ON, sister. I dig it.
  11. cornflakegirl74
    July 29, 18:32 Reply
    GOOD FOR YOU, girl. You know, this is actually the second post about this topic I've read today and I also wrote about something similar happening on my blog recently. You can't allow the negative comments to get you down, and I'm so glad you are able to find humor in this situation. Great post!
  12. SM
    July 29, 19:30 Reply
    Great blog! Negativity is everywhere. I got sucked into watching Housewives of NJ and afterwards kissed my husband and kids. Crazy people out there. I may be nuts too, but I'm the covered with sugar kinda nuts ;)
  13. brewers_rule
    July 29, 21:50 Reply
    And yet again, my favorite quote of all time is appropro: "The loudest voices for tolerance are the most intolerant people." There, I'm done. Keep your head up, darlin', because that smile needs to be seen more often by so many ;)
  14. Taylor Cast
    July 29, 21:53 Reply
    Lady you said it all and you said it all so well. Kudos to you!!
  15. Dweeze
    July 29, 22:41 Reply
    As I told you on Twitter, you're near perfect to me. Keep up the writing.
  16. MissMelisaMae
    July 29, 23:26 Reply
    JupaMan - You are totally right. People that don't know how great I am are stupid ;-)<br /><br />SingleGirlie - It's unfortunate that we belong to the same club but comforting to know you can relate. You also ROCK!<br /><br />Cornflakegirl - Thanks for commenting and might I add, I LOVE your username!<br /><br />SM - Suger covered nuts...love that and may have to borrow it ;-)<br /><br />Brewers_Rule - What can I say? I adore you.<br /><br />Taylor Cast - Thanks, lady! XO<br /><br />Dweeze - I think you may have made this girl blush. Ok, not may, you did! XO
  17. MissMelisaMae
    July 30, 00:47 Reply
    Nice, Mike. If you weren't 49 gazillion miles away in Japan I'd bend you over and fuck you without any lube. And you'd like it.<br /><br />Twice.
  18. mikethemasterdater
    July 30, 00:52 Reply
    I've been way too fucked already, so I will take a rain check on MMM fisting party. <br /><br />Sorry you got ass raped by another reader. Want me to call the Wanbulance?
  19. Asa
    July 31, 18:12 Reply
    Love your entries...and love you, MM! :)
  20. Something She Dated
    July 31, 20:37 Reply
    The thing is. No one is ever just angry. Because if you were. You'd be just nonchalant. And thus. You've clearly got yourself a lover. Kind of like in grade 2. When I punched that guy in the face. Because I wanted to kiss him. People do crazy shit when they're frustrated by love. And clearly. Someone loves you. So keep up the good work. Sadly. No one loves me yet. Which is good. Because I'm not at all jealous of you and your new stalker/lover. Not. At. All. :P XOXO Someone who can't even get on an ass licking list.
  21. MissMelisaMae
    August 02, 17:04 Reply
    Asa - xox<br /><br />SSDated - I definitely like the way you look at it. He's just in love with me! I've had a lot of whacked out lovers in my day and trust me when I tell you, I could comfortably go the rest of my life without having another ;-)
  22. LuckyGirl
    August 05, 12:18 Reply
    God bless the horse YOU rode in on, Melisa! Best. Fuck-off. Letter. Ever.<br /><br />You have the sharpest tongue, shrewdest mind, most scintillating wit, and, yes, exquisite breasticles and derriere, to be found anywhere on the interwebs.<br /><br />I just fell in love with you even more reading this exquisitely written response.<br /><br />Also, really bummed I didn't make the Lick My Ass list on Twitter. Oh well.
  23. (500) days of Boy
    August 18, 18:18 Reply
    Ahh how evil! Don't let anyone else tell you what you can or can't do! Keep having fun!
  24. Leah
    August 26, 22:07 Reply
    Hi I just read your blog. I found it through another blog from Simone's blog. <br /><br />I like that you speak your mind. I think it's so much better than being passive aggressive like how most women are trained to be in American society. If some men cannot handle that, that's their problem. I hope for the sake of interesting story telling, and authentic point of view that you continue to be yourself, and don't let it get to you. It's only a few people's stupid opinion of you, and there's lots others who like what you write :)
  25. MissMelisaMae
    August 31, 05:10 Reply
    LuckyGirl - Will you marry me?<br /><br />500 Days - Thanks!<br /><br />Leah - So glad you found my blog. I hope you keep reading!
  26. Anonymous
    October 07, 14:32 Reply
    I just started reading your blog and LOVE IT. People like that just suck in life all together. Werk it girl!! You rock!! <br /><br />Sorry to be Anonymous....haven't figured the whole name thing out yet..<br /><br />M
  27. Elizabeth
    May 29, 19:43 Reply
    You are SERIOUSLY awesome. The way you take that ... oh, he's so unimportant, I forgot his name ... anyway, that nob in Japan on ... *Speechless*

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