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Profile of the Week (POTW): Meet DarkKnight…

Probably not my Dark Knight.

Probably not my Dark Knight.

Big, Black and beautiful.  That was DarkKnight.  I was beyond interested.  His initial email left much to be desired but reading it was a mere detail anyway.   He had me at biceps.

Hey what’s up? If you would like to get better acquainted hit me up at: notpostinghisrealemailaddy@gmail.com.

6’1”, no kids and 220 lbs of pure muscle.  I’m sure it’s no surprise and anybody that’s been reading me long enough knows that I’m a serious fan of chocolate.  But having been distracted by something shiny not wanting to appear too eager I figured I would respond to DK a little later on that day.

That’s when I received this from a gal I’ll just call Meg…

Marcus is my boyfriend. He is a liar and a cheat. I saw that he emailed you today after he told me that he attempted to delete his profile. Straight up LIAR, girlfriend. Just giving you the heads up.

Considering that I’ve been swimming with sharks for quite a while, nothing surprises me anymore.  Truth be told, my initial thought (aside from disappointment that I wouldn’t be seeing DK naked) was that I now had something to write about.

I went back to his profile to see what nuggets of goodness and cheese I could find since I had never really read his profile to begin with.  His email and chiseled physique had been all I needed to guarantee a reply from yours truly.  I suspected that it would be brimming with clichés about love, romance and the usual bullshit about long walks on the beach and feeling as comfortable in jeans as a tux.  I was wrong.  Instead, this is what I had the immense joy of reading:

My fish personality is a shark because I am a cheater. I have a girlfriend that I lie to and screw other women behind her back, but I tell her that I love her. She didn’t know a thing…… until now. :)

On the first date, I will tell you that I am looking for a long term, serious relationship. Eventually I will tell you that I want you to be my girl, but I have told many women that before. You will think you are very special and loved, but I will vacillate between you and other women putting you at risk for std’s because you are my baby and we will have unprotected sex. I will tell you things like what our life will be like when we have kids and how they will look leading you to believe there is so much more to us than there really is.

Looks like Meg hacked her beau’s online dating profile.  Outstanding.

So, I looked up her profile as well.  Here’s what she had to say about herself:

Hi I’m a 34 year old all American woman looking for a nice guy with an edge. I’m 5’10” asian american, somewhat educated, and fairly smart. I have no children and have never been married. I’m looking for someone for a serious relationship leading to long term, possibly marriage. I’m very much into spending quality time with friends and family. I’m at that point where I’m ready and willing to share my life with someone. I want to live my live, laugh, have fun, and make life plans with that special person. Can you say the same thing about yourself? Are you willing to give it an honest effort and actually date or do you give up to easily and move on to the next?

Please be courteous if we meet and/or date by giving me the respect that I give you by returning phone calls or letting me know if you decide to look elsewhere. Thank you.

p.s. I’m really looking to develop a one on one relationship with someone. If I feel that you have too many options open and you are on here continuously searching for someone else, I will look elsewhere. It’s not fair to me if you don’t want to try and invest the time and effort to date me and get to know me on a deeper level.

She definitely makes no qualms about admitting her desire for something long term and substantial. 

I strongly resisted the urge to email her back and a) thank her, and b) ask if she was still with her boyfriend despite two glaring questions in the forefront of my mind.  One, she referred to him as her boyfriend, implying present tense.  Not ex-boyfriend, not douchebag, not philandering pile of horse shit.  Two, she had a ready profile complete with multiple pictures from up and to the left and shoe size.

Ignoring my intense curiosity, I decided to leave the two love birds alone to sort out their issues.  I can only hope that she did the right thing by dumping his ass to the curb.  I must applaud, however, her interpretation of his profile.  I couldn’t have said it better myself.

My favorite part? 

“She didn’t know a thing…… until now.”

You go, girl!  But next time, keep these four little words in mind…No glove, no love.

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3 Comments

  1. alex
    December 09, 21:34 Reply
    Fucking funny shit, gir. You have a way of explaining stuff in a method that belies fat bellies and handsome clothing. Word. Stop smoking so much.

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