I can understand why it may be intimidating to approach an almost 6’ tall blonde with breasts the size of Nebraska so I give major kudos to any guy with the cajones to walk up and ask for my number. It doesn’t matter where I am or what I’m doing, I’m always flattered when someone thinks enough of me to try and score a date. That doesn’t mean I’ll go out with you but I definitely won’t consider you a jack off for trying.
It was this reason that I decided to part with my digits when Alex stopped his car in the middle of the road to ask for them. Taking a stroll through the park, a date was about the last thing on my mind. The correspondence was short and sweet and minutes later, I was left to finish my walk while wondering why I had just given my number to a guy driving a 20 year old Pontiac with an ill fitting hood. But that’s beside the point. He seemed nice and I had a good feeling.
It wasn’t long before he called. Alex was well spoken, articulate and more importantly, he laughed at my jokes. He was complimentary, almost to the point of being over the top and seemed to have a good head on his shoulders. I wasn’t hearing wedding bells but I definitely saw a lunch in our future.
45 minutes into the conversation, things took a sharp turn towards, “You can’t be serious,” and “not again.”
Me: *In jest* I have to ask; you’re not married or in a relationship of any kind, right?
Him: *Nervous laugh* Actually…
Me: You’ve got to be kidding me.
Him: I am sort of seeing someone.
Me: Awesome. Do you make it a habit to stop and ask girls you don’t know for their number?
Him: It’s not like that.
Me: Of course not.
Him: Let me explain. I really don’t want you think I’m a douche…blah, blah, blah…It’s been over for a while…yada, yada, yada…It’s going to end, it’s just a matter of time…etc., etc.,…We’ve stopped having sex…
Me: Oh. Well in that case…
Him: I’m really attracted to you and I love your personality. I love talking to you and I could see myself falling for you. It’s been so long since I’ve felt this way. I’m pretty sure she’s already cheated on me…
Sounds to me like Alex needs a wham-bulance. Awww, his girlfriend doesn’t love him anymore? Boo-hoo. He misses feeling wanted? Sad face. He’s not getting sex anymore? Not my problem.
Here’s what is my problem. This is literally the 437,957th time I’ve heard this sob story. Give or take. The set up is almost always the same only the faces differ. Guy plays martyr and nothing short of blowing him will cure the emptiness he feels deep down inside.
Him: You asked me to be honest.
Me: You’re right. And I appreciate your honesty. That still doesn’t mean I’ll go out with you and it certainly doesn’t negate the fact that you are trying to hook up with someone other than your girlfriend.
I was clearly dealing with an amateur here. He had shown his cards too soon. A truly seasoned philanderer would have known better than to whip out the “loveless, sexless relationship” bit that soon. Telling me I was the kind of girl he “could fall for” within 45 minutes was an especially nice touch, as well. Unfortunately for him, I’m not a naïve 16 year old with daddy issues.
I have absolutely no desire to be the antidote for someone’s miserable love life. I am not that girl. I refuse to be that girl. I do not derive a sense of pleasure or power from fucking around with another woman’s sloppy seconds.
Alex in a nutshell:
a) He was/is a complete douche. Despite his claims of self loathing and self pity. If anything, I truly feel sorry for his girlfriend who probably thinks everything is fine and that her man is just working late. Again.
b) He was/is a pussy. His whole “woe is me” act is utterly ridiculous and reeks of desperation. If he’s not happy in the relationship, get out of it. Simple as that. According to him there was no communal property, no children, and no marriage certificate. So what’s the fucking problem?
Him: What’s your favorite position?
Me: Buh bye.
So much for my gut instinct.