Thank You For Caring, Fuck You For Sharing
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Thank You For Caring, Fuck You For Sharing

When is it the right time to share your blog with someone you are dating?  Or, should you share at all?

My blog can best be summed up as a hodge podge of uncomfortable first dates, bad sex, creepy men and offending dating profiles.  I’ve been open and honest all along the way (sometimes to a fault).  With me, there is no truer statement than “what you see is what you get”.

I appreciate the honesty and rawness that people are willing to share when it comes to the exploits and experiences trying to find their elusive “soul mate”.  As brash and forward as myself and some people are when telling these stories of part horror, part pleasure and part pain, there are always many more reading that can relate.  And this, my lovelies, is why I write publicly.  It’s blog therapy and a hell of a lot cheaper than seeing a shrink.  I’m still bat shit crazy but comforted knowing that I can always share it with all of you and that I am not alone.

I’ve been single for an eternity many years and I attribute that to several different factors.  I have a wondering eye, always want what I can’t have and bore tremendously easy.  I enjoy my freedom, don’t like to answer to anyone and have a penchant for the sauce.  I was recently told that when I’m good, I’m REALLY good but when I’m bad, I’m REALLY bad.

I’ve never dated anyone long enough to feel the need to share my blog with them.  Considering it a refuge of sorts for me to vent about them should the need arise.  Real life is much funnier when it can be shared unadulterated and openly without the fear of repercussion.  However, I’ve never been shy when asked about my blog and I’ve never been ashamed about anything that I’ve written or shared.  My mother even reads this blog.

But, there’s always a “but”.

When I met Mr. NYPD it was impossible to keep the fact that I had a dating blog from him.  Bringing him around all the amazing people I was there to meet, sharing stories and ideas, it was inevitable that my blog would come up.  But I was okay with that.  I have nothing to hide and my life is an open book.  Whether I know you in real life or you keep up with my crazy antics via computer screen.

Being around my friends and getting to know me, it wasn’t long before he began to realize the force with which my blog is written.  He intimated to me that he probably wouldn’t want to read it due to its content and I respected that.  I’m positive I wouldn’t want to read a year and a half’s worth of his past liaisons either.  Yet I let him know that I wasn’t one to hide things and should his curiosity get the better of him I would have no problem with him taking a look.

To make the long story short, he took a look.

The first, only and last post he will ever read was New York.  In what I thought was a post of awe, hope and wonder he zeroed in on these five words noted in the beginning of the post “fucked a cop while on duty”.  Oops.

Having admitted to reading the post he then asked, “Did you really fuck a cop while on duty?”

I had to be honest.  Yes, I had screwed a cop while on duty (another post for another day).

I suppose that I’ve become so comfortable sharing my life and the intimate details that it includes that it didn’t even cross my mind that my potential love interest would be reading and might be taken aback.  The fact that I actually have a potential love interest at all still bewilders me and I find myself in foreign territory.

Thinking I had fucked up any chances with yet another fellow I started the backslide into self pity until he said something that just reinforced why I’m willing to wait for this man and see where things go.  He assured me he had decided not to read my blog again (to spare his own feelings) and that I could feel comfortable writing about whatever I had been and still intended on writing without fear of hurting his feelings.  Not that I need his permission but knowing that I was the one that had opened the door and let him know he could read it, I have to commend how stand up he was about the whole thing.

Then he brought up the part where I talked about probably never seeing him again due to the distance.  He strongly reinforced that he WOULD be coming out to visit me next month and that he had been thinking of me.  This guy is either perfect or a serial killer.  Only time will tell.

I weathered the storm and survived.  I still don’t regret him reading that post and remain unapologetic because the words typed on these pages are just part of who I am.  Better he know that now then down the road.

It seems as though just about everyone I ask has a different opinion about sharing their blogs with friends, family and potential love interests…tell me, what is yours?

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20 Comments

  1. NikkiB
    January 18, 07:19 Reply
    There's a reason my blog is anonymous - so that I don't have to censor myself at all, nor do I feel obligated to tell anyone. Only three of my friends even know of it's existence. I actually wish one of them didn't because I'd like to write some things that she probably would be offended by. That's the thing though. I'd prefer to be honest and put it all on the line. The problem is that sometimes, that's difficult for the other person. Sometimes they take it the wrong way, or it's just plain difficult (e.g. reading about past lovers, even if you know it has nothing to do with you). Sometimes there is too much honesty - if that makes sense. It's not like I ever outright lie - it's more withholding some things to spare another person, or to avoid drama that would just be unnecessary. <span class="cluv">NikkiB recently posted..<a class="c7f1bbdd49 1001" rel="nofollow" href="http://womenarefrommars.wordpress.com/2011/01/13/the-blow-off-part-two-deal-with-it/">The Blow Off- Part Two- Deal with it</a></span>
    • missmelisamae
      January 18, 09:56 Reply
      I started my blog as anonymous and figured that was the way to go until I opened myself up to meeting other people like myself and I've never looked back. But, as more of my friends and family know about what I do, the less I'm able to share certain things for fear of hurting the feelings of someone I love. I guess it's a catch-22.
  2. single much
    January 18, 07:30 Reply
    OMG! I love him. :) I think it's amazing that he got back to you and reassured you that you should continue to write whatever you want. He likes you. Just as you are! I have told you before I have a constant battle in my head of what I am willing to share on my blog w/ family and potential love interests. When 'disappearing man' discovered my blog I nearly had a heart attack. I guess I figure I'll just feel it out with each individual person. Hoping for the best.
    • missmelisamae
      January 18, 09:57 Reply
      I have to admit, I was a bit surprised myself. But just another reason why this guy is so fucking rad. He's clearly more level headed than I am!
  3. Jackie Summers
    January 18, 07:30 Reply
    MMM, like you I'm public. Personally I've found the blog a terrific litmus test for potential staying power. Some people will be intimidated; they're eliminated right off the bat. Others will begin to compare and feel insecure, they're ghosted as well. And then there are those special ones who read my stories and somehow thing this is all that encompasses me, as if reading my words could tell them more than actually spending time with me IRL. While my blog accurately represents a part of myself, it's by no means wholly representative of my entire being. Those are the trolls beneath my bridge keeping the unqualified from advancing. Pass those tests and there may yet be a chance. oxo JFB <span class="cluv">Jackie Summers recently posted..<a class="f8667f5d51 1003" rel="nofollow" href="http://www.jackfrombkln.com/the-golden-ratio-of-attraction/?utm_source=rss&utm_medium=rss&utm_campaign=the-golden-ratio-of-attraction">The Golden Ratio of Attraction</a></span>
    • missmelisamae
      January 18, 09:59 Reply
      I totally agree. My blog is written with brutal honesty and intense sarcasm. If someone can't handle that then it's time to move on to someone who can. But, if they can see it for what it is, then that's somebody I want to spend time with.
  4. Lusty Sagittarian
    January 18, 07:44 Reply
    I would never hide something that was such a testament to who I am, because it'll only come out eventually anyway and then it'll seem like I wasn't representing my true self. I made it quite clear from the start of my dating Rich that I wrote and that it was public. Rich chose not to read my old blog or my new blog, but then he would notice me writing or if I volunteered in conversation that I once had a strange experience, he'd be curious and want to know more. And I would point him to a certain post. So it happened in pieces, over time, and now he knows just how much I went through before I met him and it strengthens what we have because finding and cultivating a solid relationship was so elusive for years. As for family...pffft. It's my life, not theirs. At times, they're just strangers with whom I happen to share genes. <span class="cluv">Lusty Sagittarian recently posted..<a class="c07bf6f8ec 1004" rel="nofollow" href="http://twitter.com/girltrueheart/statuses/27370314191085569">girltrueheart- Ice is not fun- but working from home is the best gift technology has given the office</a></span>
    • missmelisamae
      January 18, 10:01 Reply
      Again, you totally get me, my lovely Sag sister (or is it Ophiuchus now? lol). I don't like the idea of hiding something from somebody when I'm constantly preaching about people owning up to who they are and honesty. Hiding this blog would make me a total hypocrite. I've been called a lot of things in my day but hypocrite has never been one of them.
  5. IndigoChic5
    January 18, 11:36 Reply
    My blog is anonymous. I don't have my name or picture on it... I do post the links to new posts on my facebook and twitter so people who follow me on those sites can probably figure out that it's mine but most of the people that I'm close to don't even read it. I like it like that because I don't have to censor myself in what I say. It's definitely therapeutic to be able to express exactly what you are thinking. I don't have many readers yet so I mostly do it for myself as a type of public journal... I haven't been brave enough to show it to anyone that I'm dating yet although one of my exes did read a post, assume it was about him, and called and cussed me out. The funny thing is, it wasn't even about him! He is not nearly relevant enough to warrant a blog post. LOL <span class="cluv">IndigoChic5 recently posted..<a class="17d2d46a9f 1010" rel="nofollow" href="http://adventuresofatransplant.blogspot.com/2011/01/up-in-air.html">Up in the Air</a></span>
    • missmelisamae
      January 18, 13:45 Reply
      It's totally therapeutic and that's part of the reason I do it. Ouch about the ex! He sounds pretty narcissistic and seems as though there was good reason he's an ex.
  6. wow, some great food for thought. i'm a new blogger (only been doing it about 4 months) and this is something i really thought about as i began my journey. in fact, for the first month, i was terrified to let anyone know my blog address. i didn't know at what point i might need to vent about someone i knew in real life and it made me very hesitant. i eventually decided to just "put it out there" and take whatever comes my way. <span class="cluv">elizabeth-flourishinprogress recently posted..<a class="dba4ceb14a 1012" rel="nofollow" href="http://feedproxy.google.com/~r/FlourishInProgress/~3/YVTf0l398A0/monday-dare-fuck.html">Monday Dare- fuck</a></span>
    • missmelisamae
      January 18, 21:24 Reply
      "I eventually decided to just 'put it out there' and take whatever comes my way" <---I love that! Keep at it!
  7. Allison
    January 19, 01:34 Reply
    When I write about sex, I generally keep it anonymous. I write for a couple of different sex-related blogs and I use a fake name. But I also occasionally link the stories from my facebook so some of my.friends have figured it out. If anyone asks directly, I always answer honestly. I'm kind of conflicted about this because some of it is my best writing. But it's really "adult" and I guess I'm not yet.confident enough to show that side of myself to the world. of course I have no problem showing that side of myself "in the flesh" to the subjects of the stories! Anyway, I'm looking forward to reading how your relationship develops. It certainly seems promising.
    • missmelisamae
      January 19, 10:26 Reply
      There are definitely pros and cons with staying anonymous. I have too big a mouth to keep anything secret for long so I figured I would come right out and own it!
  8. The Urban Dater
    January 20, 17:16 Reply
    After reading all of this I've come to the conclusion I reached when I first met you: You're a turd. That is all. Miss ya, girl. =)
  9. Ken
    January 21, 05:32 Reply
    That's why my rule of thumb has always been "Never let the women I date know that I can speak in complete sentences, let alone write them." <span class="cluv">Ken recently posted..<a class="f1a0f4c79c 1044" rel="nofollow" href="http://feedproxy.google.com/~r/Lustmongers/~3/wJeRjaaSB-c/screwing-in-office-primer.html">Screwing in the Office- A Primer</a></span>
    • missmelisamae
      January 21, 15:29 Reply
      So my suspicions have been right all along about you. You CAN write!
  10. Caleb
    January 31, 15:45 Reply
    I, for one, respect the bravery of putting yourself out there and still being honest. Rock on. Some things though... .just don't need to be shared right away. Eventually? Sure. But maybe someone you first meet doesn't need to know everything about you right away. Or, just have everyone read your blog up front. Then, if they still like you, they'll know you for you and not be surprised when you act crazy. Crazy, of course, being subjective. Caleb out! <span class="cluv">Caleb recently posted..<a class="183a4af284 1670" rel="nofollow" href="http://calebshreves.blogspot.com/2011/01/entry-127-alternative-weather.html">Entry 127- Alternative Weather Terminology</a></span>
    • missmelisamae
      February 01, 09:25 Reply
      I couldn't agree more. There's no better way to get an idea of how my mind works than reading my online diary.

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