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The Fireman

I had a post all planned out in my head about a dryhumping Italian I went on a date with but my attention was suddenly diverted when I logged onto Match.com just now.

At the moment, I’m surprised I can even remember where the home keys are. I saw a profile on there that literally made me forget how to exhale. Three words…

He’s a FIREMAN!

Raaaawwwwr! I want to do things to this man that if written down here would require a parent’s permission to read, regardless of age.

I’m fairly convinced that in order to become a firefighter one must not only be in good shape but they must also have the kind of looks that bronze sculptures are modeled after. As if when filling out the job application there’s a third option under “Sex”. Male, Female and God. Even older firemen all turn into Sean Connery. True story.

I don’t know this man. I probably never will. I have no intention of writing him. He’s too good looking. It’s not that I fear rejection. I don’t feel he’s too good for me. My fear is that he will write back. That he will be interested. How the hell will I ever get anything done if I never allow him to leave my bed? I wouldn’t be able to update this blog! Mutiny would ensue. The world as we know it would stop rotating. So, it’s in the best interest of humanity that I leave this man alone.

Here are his stats:

He’s 28, 6’1”, black, shaved head, brown eyes, Baptist, never married, no kids (yet wants some down the road) and has trouble keeping his biceps tucked into the sleeves of his uniform (yes, I’m drooling). And he’s a Sagittarius. Only two things about him so far make me want to run. First off, he’s 28. I don’t mesh well with younger men. There’s a level of maturity that we have a hard time meeting on. And in case you are wondering, I’m not necessarily referring to myself as the mature one. Secondly, he’s a Sagittarius. I’m a Sagittarius. By all accounts, we are perfect together. Knowing this, I definitely know I can’t write to him. My suspicions of us never leaving the bedroom would be well founded.

On second thought, I should write to him. If I’m going to be playing in bed all day then that means I won’t be eating. If I’m not eating and I’m working out 12 hours a day *wink-wink* then imagine the body I will acquire.

Well, shit. I’ve gone and gotten myself all flustered with promises of a flat stomach and hot bedroom action with someone trained to put out fires and rescue pussy.

So, I did it. I wrote to him. I racked my brain for the perfectly crafted email to send. Brace yourselves for the killer note I sent him…

“Hi”

Was that too much? I hope I didn’t give him too much information. I want to leave some things to the imagination. I hope he’s intrigued enough to write back.

By the way, I’m inviting all of you to our wedding…

Just as soon as I finish this cold shower…

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9 Comments

  1. Man-shopper
    March 05, 14:19 Reply
    HAHAHA you're living the dream, girl! Go get yourself a hunky fireman! I eagerly await the next posts about your fireman adventures.... I'm jealous.<br /><br /><a rel="nofollow" rel="nofollow">http://manshopping.wordpress.com</a>
  2. Julie
    March 05, 16:22 Reply
    Sigh. Fireman. Lucky!<br /><br />Getting caught up on my blog reading. Happy Friday!!!!
  3. brewers_rule
    March 05, 22:16 Reply
    So, Michael Lombardi from Rescue Me's single again? I guess life's rough out there for hot dudes. Keep in mind, though, firemen work INSANE rotating shift schedules (I've worked those hours myself) contrary to how the show depicts 'em. Sleep cycles suck and tired usually equals performance inconsistencies in bedrooms from what I've seen. Yeah, I know, "Get off my cloud!"
  4. JupaMan
    March 06, 03:51 Reply
    OMG this was awesome....and I'm glad that you did decide to write to him, but "hi"? that's it? Melisa you kill me girl... I love this post a lot because of the writing style alone. ;)<br /><br />I will tell you this though, I think I'm going to stop trying to figure you out. :(<br /><br />I'm out
  5. [...] 13 Comments There are three things that will guarantee a response from me. One, if you are hot (The Fireman). Two, if you amuse me (Willy Wonka). And three, if you piss me off. Yesterday, I was pissed [...]
  6. Anety
    September 14, 16:55 Reply
    <strong>Read was interesting, stay in touch…...</strong> [...]please visit the sites we follow, including this one, as it represents our picks from the web[...]…...

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