Is It Worth Responding to All Dating Profile Emails?
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Is It Worth Responding to All Dating Profile Emails?

Over the years, I’ve had great debates revolving around online dating etiquette in regards to dating profile emails. There are certainly those who prefer to receive responses to their emails regardless of outcome and those who don’t. I, myself, fall into the latter category.

If I were to email somebody and get nothing in return I’m going to get the hint. I don’t need it spelled out for me. If you don’t like me, so what? I don’t need a reason because you aren’t important enough for me to care. And vice versa. If I don’t respond to you, for you to keep hounding me is going to really piss me off. In which case, I’m definitely not going to go out with you because frankly, you are creeping me out and smelling more desperate than an alcoholic at one of my family functions.

On the other side of the coin, I’ve heard people argue that it’s common courtesy. Ok, I’ll buy that. If my days were 45 hours long then sure, I’d respond to every Tom, Dick, Harry and the occasional Nancy, but they’re not. Also, I don’t know Tom, Dick, Harry and Nancy and therefore owe them no explanations. While I’m sure they took time out of their day to write me an exquisitely crafted email asking me for a body shot and my breast size I don’t think it’s necessary to tell them A) its none of their damn business and B) NO, I don’t have any more pictures to send them.

Really, how many answers are you going to get explaining why someone doesn’t want to go out with you? Their opinions of you have been solely based on a picture and a paragraph. So, think about it. They either think you are ugly or they think you are stupid. End of story. Is it really necessary to having someone put that in writing?

If you ask me (and I’m going to assume you did), contacting the unresponsive party again and again is just an excuse to try and engage them into some sort of communication.

I bring up this little tangent because I had this situation come up recently and it got me thinking. I received an email from a guy who was interested in me. It was a nice and pleasant email but truth be told I was simply not interested. I’m sure he was a great guy but I was highly unattracted to him. So, as is my usual practice in such situations, I ignored him. I didn’t want to come across as rude or hurt his feelings and I really didn’t think it necessary to tell him I thought he resembled Dom Deluise. But who knows? Perhaps that was exactly what he was looking for. He’s probably a fan of golden showers and being spit on too.

After I didn’t respond to his initial email, I received this:

“You can be honest I thought I wrote you a nice email what happened??”

To which I decided to respond because apparently “wballstar” was a glutton for punishment. He was also a big fan of the question mark but not so much a fan of periods or commas.

“Thanks for the email. I’m not interested.”

Apparently, that was not a good enough answer. I thought that telling him I was not interested was pretty straight forward. However, he again pushed the issue.

“Can I ask you why you put a profile on here to meet guys and you see I would like to talk you no, how come??? What’s wrong with me?”

At this point, I was seriously beginning to wonder about this guy…and his grammar. Why push the issue? I was pretty clear about not being interested. Was it really necessary for me to tell him I thought he was fat, ugly and balding? That I didn’t care for his goatee or that he lived in Long Beach and I was looking for someone a littler closer? I was torn in that I could have been perfectly blunt and completely within my rights to be so since he kept pushing me for an answer. What part of “I’m not interested” did he not understand? But, I was trying to be tactful and spare his feelings since he was incapable of understanding the written English language. I must have been bored or just plain irritated because I responded once more.

“I put a profile on here to meet people, yes. I am not however interested in meeting you.”

Now, I figured that if he hadn’t gotten the point before that this would surely point out the fact that I was never going to go out with him. I got this in return:

“So I guess your all that and a bag of chips huh lol!! Good luck to you. ‘The world needs more people like you’”

Two things here about his Custer’s last stand. One, he’s right. I do think I’m all that and a bag of chips. Two, I whole heartedly agree with that last sentence he quoted. The world does need more people like me. I’m fucking rad. Except, I didn’t get the feeling he was trying to compliment me. His sarcasm was not amusing. This was about the oddest backhanded insult I had ever received. I was not only irritated with him but I was irritated with myself for having spent so much time on this lonely asshole. Having been provoked and feeling the need to have the last word, I wrote back one last time.

“Yes, I do think I’m ‘all that and a bag of chips.’ Now stop bothering me.”

Upon replying, I realized I had actually gotten suckered into engaging in a communication with a person that I was clearly never going to meet face to face. Now do you realize how much time I would have saved if I had just done what I always do and simply not responded? By responding to him I only opened the door to be insulted and have my time wasted. His constant barrage of emails did make me want to meet him if only to kick the ever loving shit out of him for being weird and pathetic.

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7 Comments

  1. Rick.Seymour
    August 21, 10:04 Reply
    Really thorough article.<br />However I always think that using a quick reply button "thanks but no thanks" is always a good option.<br />Saying that though think of the time they took to write the email.. and how much women online rant on about how the guy just said "hi check me out" and how they desire someone to put effort in... but if a guy puts the effort in and sees "Read Deleted" are they going to put the same level of effort in next time?
  2. Rick, I see your point but I feel it isn't M's job to set a guy down nicely in hopes he treats another woman well. As much as I believe in karma, I think I prefer the golden rule: "Do unto others as you wish done unto you." <br /><br />If you don't mind that someone doesn't respond to you, then don't respond to them. If you do mind that someone doesn't respond to you, then go out of your way to respond to others. <br /><br />In the end, you've got to feel happy about what you've done/not done. It doesn't really matter what the stranger feels.<br /><br />As for this particular guy you wrote about, sounds like he really falls into the victim loop of passive-aggressive behavior. When a positive answer wasn't forthcoming, he thrived on the negative attention anyway. He needs Dr Phil.
  3. Candz
    August 21, 14:09 Reply
    Jersey nailed it, but I get Rick's POV too.<br /><br />In the beginning of my online dating sojourn, I felt that a polite "thanks but no thanks" was the courteous thing to do. What I found however was that sending *any* type of reply is often seen as an invitation to dialogue.<br /><br />Other men send some sort of insult as their OPENER.("Are you as bitchy as you look?" was one such email) I see this as an attempt to establish some sort of connection, no matter how tenuous. I don't respond to these. EVER. I just block them from further contact.<br /><br />Net effect? Online as in real life, I find myself constantly resisting the urge to have the last word in response to the moronic statements of others. :)
  4. Maruska Morena
    August 21, 18:12 Reply
    I've heard all sides of this argument, and generally its only men who want that "Thanks but no thanks" reply. Sometimes when I've crafted an especially awesome letter, I want to get a reply of some kind as well. So I can understand.<br /><br />But getting a simple "thanks but no thanks" reply does nothing and tells you nothing more than ignoring you would have... cept maybe that the person was trying to be courteous or that they're trying to rub their rejection in your face.. either way what's really the benefit?<br /><br />Generally when I've replied with a "Thanks but no thanks" 9 times out of 10, I'll get a reply trying to continue the dialogue. It's annoying, and often the replies are insulting. <br /><br />So what I've boiled down to.. I generally ignore them if I'm not interested, unless they seem extra nice and have taken an extraordinary amount of time to craft a letter (not some form letter, but a real letter of suitable length), then I'll reply with a "Thanks for the lovely letter, but I'm not interested in pursuing this further." If I get any inkling though from their letter or profile that they're unbalanced, it won't matter what they wrote or how much time it took, I just ignore. Its just not worth the hassle.
  5. MissMelisaMae
    August 21, 23:16 Reply
    I pretty much assumed that the women would be with me on this one. Much like porn, online dating is for the most part woman dominated. Perhaps thats why I continue to subject myself to such nonsense. Don't worry, I won't be joining the porn industry anytime soon (unless my job situation doesn't change)...<br /><br />That being said, Rick, you are wrong and I am right (lol). 99.9% of the time if you respond then that only opens the door to a communication that you want no part of. Also, in an attempt to save their pride perhaps, most rejected men will simply respond with something insulting. For example "You are an ugly bitch anyway." Oh really? Is "ugly bitch" in your search criteria? Because you found me and asked me to chat. Is that your type? See what I'm getting at???<br /><br />And to my girls, thanks for having my back!
  6. Anonymous
    September 09, 04:23 Reply
    I think part of the problem is that men are so conditioned to pursue, so they end up trying a few times, instead of just cutting their losses at the first negative reply or non-response.<br />I think that those men in particular really need to understand what online dating is and how it works. <br />Of course, these could just be the same men who get ticked off when women don't want to dance with them. They get their panties in a bunch and say "why did you come here if you didn't want to dance?"<br />well, moron, I came out to dance, just not necessarily with YOU!...
  7. [...] “thanks but no thanks” after the third time but anyone who has read my feelings on the topic of responding knows why I didn’t. Apparently, since he couldn’t get my attention before, he’s now trying to [...]

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