The Best of Sexy Etsy
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The Best of Sexy Etsy

I’m a big fan of Etsy. I’m also a big fan of sex. I’m an even bigger fan of sex toys. So this article is right up my alley.

One evening while searching through Etsy I came across the My Little Pony Horse Vagina (it’s probably a good idea not to ask what I was searching for).

I’d always just assumed Etsy was only good for finding semi homemade goods like body scrubs and body butters. It had never occurred to me that people could be making and actually selling homemade sex toys. Naturally, I decided to delve a little deeper and see what else I had been missing out on. So glad I did. Let me introduce you to what I’d like to call Sexy Etsy:

Horse Vagina XXX Vinyl Snatch Figure with Teats

Price: $18.00

Description: Rule 34 horse figure to satisfy even the most sophisticated of cloppers. Made of durable plastic and approximately 4.5 inches high by 6 inches long.

Features include translucent mane and tail, painted sunglasses, horse vagina, ponut, horse teats, and tail dock.

I wasn’t exactly sure what a clopper was so I went to the trusty UrbanDictionary to find out. For your reference a clopper is this:

(noun) Sexual Gratification or Erotica involving ponies, specifically ponies seen in My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic. Generally, the person masturbating to pony erotica is considered the Clopper.

Now that you know what a clopper is, you can rest easy. It’s a dude who jerks off to cartoon ponies. Good times.

Nude woman having anal sex – pencil drawing MATURE CONTENT

Price: $35.00

Description: This is a one of a kind original pencil drawing. There are no existing prints or copies. What you see in the picture is what you will receive.

This drawing is approx. 8″ wide x 9″ tall

Framing is available for an additional fee. Please convo me for details.

I used to draw pictures of my hand and Disney VHS covers. I wasn’t very good. I only wish someone had told me drawing pictures of vagina was more lucrative. Although, at 14 years old that might have been a little inappropriate. But only a little.

Dollhouse miniature Sex Toys,Dildo,Marine Sex Toys (Glamorous Pink set),3 condoms, tickling stick, 2 dildo,sex shop,lubricant (1:12 )

Price: $40.00

Description: hand Made

Very beautiful, nice Sex Toys! set of “Glamorous Pink set” The whole set is in black velvet box! Very much like to try to do something unusual! It is strong and realistic! beautiful realistic miniature 1:12

*Money from the sale of this work go to charity.Thank you.

It will be well packaged and sent by air Russian Post. If you have any questions please email me. Thank you.
Thank you for your attention, good shopping)
Thank you for viewing my work! 

I must have this. Like for reals. It’s literally cuter than kittens and babies. I want to add it to my existing collection of Hustler mini vibes and ben wa balls. And it’s for charity.

What I would have given to have those mini condoms when I went against my better judgement and had the guy from Uber over again the other night. It wasn’t pretty.

Adult Coloring Book, Sex Positions, Bachelorette Party Ideas, Girls Night Out Decorations, Sex Toy Parties Supplies Gag Gifts X-Rated Mature

Price: $18.00

Description: Thanks to this first-ever interactive intercourse guide, you and your lover can explore exciting new sex positions in an enjoyable, approachable and brightly colored way. Just be sure to stay inside the lines as you learn to be creative between the sheets. Perfect as a bachelorette, wedding shower or birthday gift, Sex Position Coloring Book is as hilariously playful as it is anatomically accurate. With 101 ready-to-color outlines of couples in real sex positions, this is the silliest yet most informative sex book a man and a woman and a box of crayons have ever shared.

It wasn’t until just recently that I learned Adult Coloring Books actually WEREN’T coloring books full of people fucking. HOWEVER, these coloring books are and now I feel as though all is right with the world.

Boobie Shaped Pasta, Adult Party Favors, Bachelorette Party Supplies, Decorations, Novelty Food, Hens Party, Duram Wheat Pasta, Pink Ribbon

Price: $10.95

Description: MATURE AUDIENCE 

Dinner parties can be so . . . dull. All that tedious socializing and chatter – talking it up with the obnoxious next door neighbor. Blah. Banish the banality with a dish that will shock the partygoers – boobie pasta! Make scrumptious Italian dishes, pasta salads and more with breast shaped noodles. Remember, for firm, perky breasts that will delight your guests, light cooking is best!

LISTING CONTAINS:

250g box of boobie-shaped pasta

Nothing says “Delicious” like boobs in a bowl. I’ve never actually tasted boobs before, despite how adventurous I might have considered myself in college. However, I think these might be perfect for my next dinner party.

MATURE Engraved BDSM anal plug sex toy butt plug female male masturbation slave dildo babygirl kitten slut slave submissive cuckold pet ddlg

Price: $38.00 – $44.00

Description: Custom engraved to your specifications.
UP to 3 Lines
Up to 16 character PER LINE (including spaces) 
First line is engraved slightly larger than 2nd & 3rd line for a great presentation. (see all photos for example)
*all engraving is done with CAPITAL letters. Stainless Steel plug: Alloy metal base coated in Stainless Steel

End engraved metal cap is diamond engraved. Each cap is engraved to your specifications, then covered with a clear coating of epoxy resin for long lasting durability. This creates a clear dome effect over your engraved cap sealing it permanently. 

How to order:
1. Add item to your card
2. On the cart page, locate the white box NOTES TO SELLER.
3. Include your engraving details there:
UP to 3 Lines
Up to 16 character PER LINE (including spaces) 
4. Complete your purchase
**FOR EXAMPLE**
Line 1: DADDY’S
Line 2: LITTLE
Line 3: SLUT

I don’t particularly have anything against someone selling butt plugs on Etsy. I don’t particularly find anything wrong with someone buying butt plugs on Etsy, either.

This is what I do find creepy –  putting DADDY’S LITTLE SLUT or DADDY’S PERFECT LITTLE BABYGIRL on something that’s supposed to go in my butt. Ew. Just Ew.

Tail Butt Plug, 26″ RED FOX, Butt Plugs, MATURE, Professionally Sewn Together, Available Detachable or Permanently Attached Tail in 3 Sizes

Price: $99.95 – $129.95

Description: MEEEOOOOWWWW….26″(66.0 cm) Genuine Red Fox Tails, Professionally Sewn Together by my Furrier…

***NOT RECOMMENDED FOR USE WITH A SMALL PLUG**********
**YOU WILL NOT RECEIVE THIS EXACT TAIL**

The proximity of the plug to the prostate and G spot will intensify orgasms for both of you due to the amount of nerve endings in the anus. Adding a tail, experiencing the feel of genuine fur brushing against your legs will bring you to a new and kinkier level of play. Great for couples interested in experimenting with Dominant/Submissive animal play or just feeling sexy alone. Also Great for Fetish Events!!!!

It is highly recommended you treat your tail gently, for it is a real skin and they are fragile. I cannot accept returns on these items, yet, in order to deliver outstanding customer service, if by any chance you detach your tail from the plug, I am happy to repair the tail for free, you just pay shipping!

I use only Stainless Steel Butt Plugs, they are safer than Silicone in many ways. They are non-porous, they can be used with all lubricants, can be easily cleaned with just soap and water, designed for a comfortable fit and are beautiful. I will NEVER use Silicone plugs due to the fact that they harbor infection. If they are not used with a specific silicone lubricant and silicone cleaner you CAN get a serious infection.

SOLID ZINC ALLOY, LEAD FREE PLATED STAINLESS STEEL plug in a velvet pouch to prevent damage.

“TAIL ONLY” OPTION WILL BE A TAIL WITHOUT A PLUG OR ANY ATTACHMENTS!!!!!

All items are shipped in DISCREET PACKAGING in POLY BUBBLE MAILERS to prevent the package from tearing, water damage and to insure your tail arrives to you safely. Please also note: a mailer will guarantee faster delivery than a box. Boxes are ALWAYS available upon request.

Due to the nature of this item, I CANNOT accept returns

For use by consenting adults only, please observe rules of safe anal play and Enjoy :)

Apparently, Etsy has become the one stop shop for all things butt plug. Who knew so many people were into making homemade butt plugs? Had I known it was such a money maker I would have jumped on the band wagon long ago.

In all honesty, I happen to find these completely adorable. Not in a sexual way, but in a “Look at me! I have a tail!” sort of way. My mother didn’t feel the same way when I showed it to her. I’m fairly certain she’s about one comment away from having me committed.

Pink Pig Tail B**t Plug , Pigtail A**l Plug, Premium Silicone B**t Plug

Price: $59.00 – $79.00

Description: There are a lot of butt plug pigtails form rubber around, but they all crack easy, have nasty taste and smell bad. BONBDSM have developed a handmade premium medical grade silicone butt plug pigtail in three sizes.

We offer a Lifetime Replacement Warranty.

It looks like sperm.

But with a Lifetime Warranty what’s not to love?

I’m tempted to get one and keep it in my nightstand drawer with my other “goodies” just so my house-sitter gets a nice surprise the next time she goes snooping through my shit. Totally worth the $60.

9″ Sex Toy “Craig’s Rule” Ruler. Male Enhancement made easy

Price: $5.00

Description: This looks like a normal ruler, but it’s just a little short. Give your man an extra boost in confidence by seeing how he measures up with this toy. Because on Craig’s List, everyone has an 8 incher, at least.

While not intended for impact play, what happens in your bedroom stays in your bedroom. However, this piece doesn’t come with the “unbreakable” guarantee of my premium impact toys.

Dimensions:
9″ long x 1″ wide x 1/4″ thick

I am fully convinced most men already have this ruler.

Condom Necklace – Lick Me – Mature – Purple, Blue, Pink, Green, Yellow, Orange, Black, Condom Culture

Price: $15.00

Description: A real un-lubricated colored condom hung from a 27-inch silver ball chain with a LICK ME charm dangling below. Unisex.

There’s more than one way to wear a condom. Be a part of the Condom Culture and wear your condom for the world to see!

Available in – Black, Blue, Green, Orange, Pink, Purple, Yellow.
Please choose color at checkout.

* OBVIOUSLY, these condoms are NOT SAFE for sexual use. They are out of their original sealed packaging and there are small holes in them to connect the chain and charm.

This is literally the perfect accessory. If you simply change the condoms you can have a necklace to match every outfit. It’s economical and safe. As a kid, I had a watch that I could change the band on to go with whatever I was wearing that day. Same principle.

I totally think all women should get this if they never want a man to approach them ever again. Not because they’re wearing a condom around their neck but because they’re wearing a condom around their neck. You know what I’m gettin’ at. Guys like condoms the same way they like cats.

One more thing. Sadly, and you know this is true, it had to be put in writing that these condoms are not to be used during actual sexual intercourse. You know some dumbass would try to use this condom then sue the maker when they popped up pregnant or with the clap. 

Hampton Court Titanium Gentlemen’s ‘Enhancement’ Ring by Crowned Jewels – Anodised Bronze colour

Price: $118.22

Description: – A smooth,rounded profile Cock Ring made from Medical Grade, “Commercially Pure” Titanium
– Hypoallergenic, ergonomically designed to fit against your body and nickel free
– Created to enhance your erection for greater enjoyment, firmness and stamina 
– Available in a range of beautiful anodised colours
– Made in Great Britain by Crowned Jewels Limited

Our beautifully crafted, Hampton Court solid Titanium cock ring is pleasing behold, comfortable to wear and will enhance you in many ways. It is carefully rounded on the outside and the inside for great comfort and glide whilst encircling your manhood, so you can stay the distance, firm up and look great too. 
Titanium is approximately 50% lighter than Stainless Steel, so this cock ring is light, sexy and has curves in all the right places. Made to impress, you can play harder and better, enjoying greater sensitivity whether your pleasure is solo or shared. Once in place, the carefully curved shape is ergonomically designed to fit against your body, hugging your shape and encircling you at the base for a beautifully enhancing fit.
Made from Medical Grade “Commercially Pure” Titanium Crowned Jewels products are Hypoallergenic and highly polished to give a super smooth finish. Available in a range of gorgeous, body safe, anodised colours or just naturally naked in it’s sensual silver colour, this ring is designed to give you pleasure for life. At Crowned Jewels we are passionate about making beautiful, pleasurable and completely body safe toys. We only manufacture toys to the highest ISO Standards from high quality materials, fully tested to BS EN1811:2011 and relevant Hallmarking Compliance. Setting the standard for metal toys
Product weight: 35 grams 
Product dimensions: 60mm external diameter, 47mm internal diameter, 9mm wide approximately

$118 for a fucking cock ring?!?

I get that it’s made from the purest metal only found on the planet Krypton but couldn’t you stick your balls in something made out of sterling silver or plastic or even a rubber band? Hell, couldn’t you just stick the family jewels inside one of those cheap plastic bracelets that people like to wear with WWJD or Livestrong printed on them. I think those only cost about $2.

I definitely think there will be a round two. Apparently, Etsy has become the mecca of all things sex toys and I’m all over that. I haven’t even begun to touch on the sex furniture. Meow.

 

**Btw, I’m a huge fan of entrepreneurs and people who make homemade goods. Therefore, as of this date, all the links to each product are live. I encourage you to visit them and purchase from them.

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