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Happy Anniversary to ME!

Exactly one year ago today, I sat with a friend of mine plotting world domination. Due to a somewhat shady history chalk full of questionable and unwise decisions, we quickly realized running for office may not be the way to go. Marrying well was also not an option as I’m way too opinionated to be anybody’s bitch. It was determined, however, that I’m a narcissistic, sarcastic, sexually liberated and somewhat decent writer (did I mention narcissistic?). Hence, Miss Melisa Mae was born.

Never in a million years would I imagine that even a single person would give two shits about what I had to say. Let alone comment and become loyal followers of my abrasive, somewhat offensive and crazy antics. I’m humbled and flattered by those that take the time to read my bullshit and over usage of the words fuck and penis.

So, in a moment of introspection I’ve decided to list some of the things I have learned in the past year from having this blog. Enjoy…

1. I am an animal. I hunt, I prey and I devour men. I am, in a sense, a predator of the male population as a whole. No man is safe and every once in a while no woman is either.

2. I am not a dating advice blogger. I date, I screw, I write. End of story. Anyone daring enough to ask my advice will probably be lead astray. But it will at least be amusing. For me, anyway.

3. I look really good when holding a camera 38 feet above my head and to the left. If anything can be learned from my 16 year old cousins, it’s that.

4. I have way more sex than I originally thought.

5. I am not the only nutty, sex crazed, 30-something obsessed with biceps and peni.

6. Despite making periodic breaks in my stream of conscious writing, I still have no idea where and when to end a paragraph.

7. Not everybody is going to love me or my writing and those people should be shipped off to the island of misfit toys that’s okay.

8. Despite my initial reservations about putting my love life on record and in writing, it has been among the best and most cathartic things I’ve ever done.

9. I now have one year’s worth of blog posts outlining exactly why I’m still single.

10. Not only am I dating to find love, I now also embrace those awkward and disappointing first dates because they make for awesome stories.

11. I still have a great rack.

12. I’m kind of a bitch. But that’s ok. I own it.

And there you have it, kids. I need to run, I have a post to write about an engaged dickwad with huge teeth and a pecker the size of a walnut.

Ciao, babies!

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10 Comments

  1. Seduce Women
    July 02, 10:37 Reply
    oh good telling boldly is good <br />I appreciate your effort.<br /><br />But i think all women are like that you are not alone. So feel happy and don't be frustrated.
  2. One Lusty Sagittarian
    July 02, 13:11 Reply
    Um, kick that above commenter to the land of I can't speak English please?<br /><br />Cheers to you Melisa! You are the reason I have embraced my Sagittarian self even more than I had been.<br /><br />Here's to another wicked fun year!
  3. brewers_rule
    July 02, 15:02 Reply
    It's refreshing to know I'll never have to be the proverbial water buffalo taking a drink to your crocodile under the waves, Melisa :P Happy Anniversary. I'd get you a cake but I'm more of a pie kinda guy, myself.
  4. Zoe Blue
    July 02, 15:31 Reply
    Let's not forget: You've gotten to meet some AMAZING bloggers who've confirmed your sultry awesomeness. Myself included. Happy anniversary, girl! Meeting you (and oh yeah, everyone *else* too) has been a highlight of my year. :)
  5. Charlotte
    July 03, 17:21 Reply
    Happy anniversary to you! May the coming year bring you lotsa sex, peni (not of the walnut variety), and great dating stories. It's always the bad dates that lead to the best stories, but that means you'll always have an audience. Kudos to you, girl :)
  6. Rick
    July 05, 17:41 Reply
    Happy Anniversary MMM!! Looking forward to another year of you dating, screwing, writing.
  7. Something She Dated
    July 07, 02:04 Reply
    You're amazing because<br /><br />1. You called it a Peni (prounounced Pee-Knee)<br /><br />2. #9<br /><br />3. The subject labels (Chuck Norris, Dating, firemen, Sean Connery, sex) for this post together form my single most important goal in my life...no?...okay well...maybe like the 2nd thing...I mean Chuck is number 0.5 and like school and career is 1 and then the rest are number 2.
  8. singlegirlie
    July 10, 21:33 Reply
    Happy anniversary, baby! Here's to sexually liberated women who love peni and yammer about it. xo
  9. singleinmy30s
    July 13, 20:29 Reply
    You own it and embrace yourself, as is, and you're awesome enough to share it with us. Happy anniversary! I look forward to this next year of your spicy opinions and dating adventures.
  10. Denise
    July 29, 06:54 Reply
    I look forward to reading your posts they always make me smile.

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