The Sex Files

The Sex Files

For those of you living under a rock, or those who simply don’t care (myself included), Kim Kardashian and Kanye West tied the knot in what is undoubtedly the most important ceremony ever in the history of marital ceremonies. In what is also, I’m sure, a union meant to stand the test of time, the two most outstanding individuals to ever grace this universe pledged their undying love and devotion for all of eternity. Or until the next season of The Kardashians.

That being said, and despite their nauseating presence, Kim is hot. So hot, in fact, that I would probably have sex with her. I cannot wait for the KimYe sex tape to be accidentally spilled so that I can illegally download it and save it to My Favorites.

To continue on with my theme of creepy voyeurism, I’d like to share with you nine other couples I wouldn’t mind watching get busy.

Brad and Angelina – This is probably just a given. Two extremely good looking people doing the nasty. Yes, please.

Chris hemsworth and Elsa Pataky – Who wouldn’t want to watch Thor use his hammer?

Channing Tatum and Jenna Dewan Tatum – Magic Mike and the Mrs. can dance their way into my porn collection any day.

Will Smith and Jada Pinkett Smith – Rumor has it these two are in an open relationship and ever since Independence Day I’ve had a mean crush on Will’s perfect physique. I, Robot, hello.

Joe Manganiello and Anyone – Sorry, where was I again? Joe is the single reason I want to visit Italy.

Alexander Skarsgard and a Vampire – Mr. Skarsgard is hot but only when he’s sporting fangs. Otherwise, he’s just kind of dorky. But brooding and deadly? Ok.

  1. David and Victoria Beckham – David is hot, Victoria is ai’t. You know those two be fucking All. The. Time.

Adam Levine and Anne Vyalitsyna – Yes, I’m fully aware they aren’t a couple anymore but it was hard to deny the chemistry these two had. I was more upset about their backup than my own.

Idris Elba and Naiyana Garth – Idris is sexy. And he has an accent. I don’t really care who he’s doing the nasty with as long as he’s talking dirty and dropping his Rs.

So if anyone knows of any sex tapes being made by any of the above, be sure and let me know. I’m willing to pay top dollar.

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