Swedish Public Masturbation

Swedish Public Masturbation

Whilst scouring the internets for cat memes and Miley Cyrus videos I discovered yet another reason to travel abroad. Amsterdam has their Red-Light District and now Sweden allows public masturbation (just so long as it’s not directed at any particular person). Of course.

Sweden Allows Public Masturbation

I don’t recommend googling “old man masturbating on a park bench.” It’s disturbing.

I don’t recommend googling “old man masturbating on a park bench.” It’s disturbing.

To paraphrase an article I read in TIME, some 65 year old man pulled out his wang and spanked the monkey while chillin’ on a beach in Stockholm. When charged with sexual assault he was acquitted because he didn’t make eye contact with anyone. One has to wonder, had it been grandma rubbing one out would she have “gotten off” so easily?

Other rad things about Sweden:

- Sweden is one of the homelands of the Germanic ethnicity and culture. The Vikings trace their origin back to Sweden (as well as Norway and Denmark). Vikings!

- The world-famous discount furniture chain IKEA was founded in Sweden in 1943. Without which, I’d be sitting on an egg crate and would have ZERO dishes.

- All employees (including graduate students) get 5 weeks of paid vacation a year. What’s not love about that? I’m lucky if I get 5 days a year.

- All employers (as of 2004) are required to provide free massage. Those Swedes sure do like to use their hands.

- St. Lucia is a nationally celebrated saint, and despite the fact that she is a saint because she tore out her own eyes to avoid being seduced by a man, little children dress up like her every winter. In other words, children dress up like that Japanese girl in Hostel.

Moral of the story is this; if you absolutely feel the need to orgasm while taking a stroll through the park, just close your eyes. You wouldn’t want anyone thinking your erotic bliss was due to them. Because that would be bad.

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