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Unwitting Homewrecker

Picture it…

Full moon, in the middle of the Mexican sea. Somewhere between Puerto Vallarta and Mazatlan. Cute girl stands at the rail overlooking the adult pool and stalking watching the adorable waiter that has come to know her quite well. Vodka tonic with a twist of lime. No card is needed. He knows her by name and automatically knows who to bill. With a wink and a nod, the order has been placed.

Across the deck, a good looking guy stands also looking over at the same pool.

Eye contact is made. Another wink and nod and it’s been determined that vodka isn’t the only thing coming that night.

Good looking guy walks over to cute girl and makes idle chit chat. They exchange pleasantries and he tells her how great her ass looks in “those pants”. He asks if they can go to her room and if she has condoms. And with the subtlety of a true gentleman, his intentions are made known. Who said romance was dead?

With that, CG and GLG head to the casino. A few shots and a Dos Equis later, GLG and CG are feeling quite chummy. Brief kisses and promises of what’s to come later while at the slot machine ensue.

Then these lovely words are spoken over CG’s left shoulder:

“Would you kindly take your lips off my husband? We are on our honeymoon.”

With a brief explanation and apology, CG grabs her beer and with head hung in shame leaves the casino and the now fighting couple, sure to need security intervention shortly and heads back to her room. Alone.

By the way, in case you all hadn’t guessed yet, cute girl was me. That was me being seduced by a married man. A man that was not wearing a wedding ring. He hadn’t even been married long enough to get a wedding band tan.  A man that said he was there with friends. That was me being accosted by a pissed off wife. And that was me becoming the punch line for every argument they ever have until their almost certain divorce papers are signed. I will forever be THAT girl that GLG tried to cheat with on his honeymoon.

Born with a guilty conscience, I’ve replayed the evening’s events in my head countless times wondering where I went wrong. This hasn’t been the first time my need for penis has gotten me into trouble.

On my walk of shame I felt sorry for the newlywed bride. If that night was any indication of their future together, she may as well be looking for her next husband and I should have thrown his ass overboard when I had the chance and done the poor lady a favor.

After the feelings of sorrow and guilt subsided, I was filled with anger and resentment. How dare GLG interrupt my flirtation with the cute little Indonesian waiter with perfect teeth to bring such unneeded drama? It was MY vacation too and now I would be spending the remaining 3 days trapped on a ship looking over my shoulder and not standing too close to the edge. Just in case.

The next day, while in the hot tub playing a game I like to call “how long can I keep my hands all over your six pack” with my new friend, Hot Coco, Married guy decided to join us. Great.

Not particularly in the mood make the wife’s acquaintance once again, I firmly insisted that married guy go visit the other hot tub as he was not welcome in mine. After explaining myself to other inhabitants as to why I had just told this man to get the fuck out leave I was given high fives and a few “nicely handled”s. Mostly from the women.

I’ve often joked that I’m catnip for married men, however, I would never knowingly fuck around with one. That’s just plain bad karma and I’ve got my hands full with that little bitch already.

For the record, the next evening, I went back down to the casino alone. I sat down at the very same slot machine and I won $40. I’ll be damned if I had auctioned off a kidney to pay for my first vacation in almost two years just to go into hiding, when for once, I hadn’t done anything wrong but try to get a little cruise ship tail.

But, next time I meet a man, I will be insisting on a background check.

With the exception of that little *cough cough* debaucle, the rest of my time on board lived up to everything you all have to come to expect from me. I drank too much, I smoked too much, I ate too much and I tried to seduce every man I could find that had 36” biceps. I don’t even know the meaning of the word “moderation” and I’m in no mood to learn about it now.

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14 Comments

  1. Dazediva
    August 30, 22:10 Reply
    OMG !!! I can't believe that happened to you !! How awful on a holiday and that too on a cruise! <br /><br />I wish you'd thrown that cheating SOB off the decks - it really would have done the new wife a favour .. I hope she dumps his sorry ass ! and I can't believe he had the audacity to try to get into your hot tub !!! <br /><br />Aside from the above; hope you had a lovely vacay !!
  2. midwesterngirldating
    August 31, 01:50 Reply
    You should have invited him in the hot tub and then "accidently" drowned him. It probably wouldnt have taken much seeing he was slimy and slippery already.<br /><br />I hope you got some cruise tail at least...
  3. singlegirlie
    August 31, 04:43 Reply
    I loathe men. Today. <br /><br />Sorry, I am in a mood.
  4. MissMelisaMae
    August 31, 05:08 Reply
    Dazediva and Midwesterndating - I should have drowned him AND pushed him overboard. What a douche! And on their honeymoon...tsk, tsk<br /><br />singlegirlie - I usually spend a good portion of everyday hating men. It makes me feel good about myself.
  5. ljmaggie
    August 31, 05:08 Reply
    WOW on his honeymoon and he is already cheating. I hope she does dump him. He is a DBag for doing hitting on you and saying he was there with friends and then trying to get in the hot tub with you the next day. I swear some guys just have no class
  6. susispice
    August 31, 11:51 Reply
    bahhahaa omg it happened to me in a resort in central america in 08!!!! <br /><br />i only found the night after we made out (just to clarify i DID NOT SLEEP with him)... that he was married..his wife was not with him but he was checking out of the resort and I went up to him to say goodbye and his cousin's phone rang and he said "dude it your wife" the guy went bright red, tried to explain I laughed shrugged my shoulders and said to him..."oh so last night at the beach party you were not married..karma is on you..see ya!" and walked away.
  7. thesinglefilez
    August 31, 14:38 Reply
    I feel so sorry for his wife. On their HONEYMOON?? I mean...Wow. I'm speechless
  8. cgryp
    August 31, 16:29 Reply
    Besides the guy and his wife (so sad they were newleyweds) it sounds like you had a blast! Just watch out for those married men. They are tricky!<br />Very funny story, thanks for sharing.
  9. Lifebeginsat30ty
    September 01, 00:31 Reply
    Woo hoo, I'm your 69th follower! He.<br /><br />I find it interesting that the woman immediately accused you! ("lips off HER husband") You know, like he was just standing there all innocent while you ravaged him. If I was the wife, I would have just punched the guy and used the rest of the cruise to get drunk on HIS credit card. What a bastard!
  10. Beans
    September 01, 16:42 Reply
    Geezus peezus that is messed up. You shouldn't have felt guilty. It was all on him. In agreement with the commenter above about the wife accusing you like he was innocent. Gag. Men make me vomit. Glad the rest of your vacation was awesome. Go you for booting that skank's butt out of the hot tub!
  11. cornflakegirl74
    September 09, 04:15 Reply
    Yea, you really have nothing to feel guilty about. That guy is a total slimeball and I just feel so awful for his poor wife :( That marriage won't last long. <br /><br />Ugh. How incredibly disappointing. <br /><br />Hope you had a good time despite this fiasco!
  12. One Lusty Sagittarian
    September 15, 12:48 Reply
    Incredible. I would have turned to her and said, "You better keep him on a really short leash then." Honestly, look at it this way, you did her a favor. Better she know now than years later. In fact, she probably already knew deep down he was a cheater and just needed confirmation. Meanwhile I can hear him trying to defend himself by saying you "fell into his arms" or some such shit.
  13. manshopping
    September 16, 00:03 Reply
    Le sigh, I feel you, lady. In this city, I've had to readjust my entire approach to dating. By 'readjust' I actually mean 'completely turn upside-down'. Now, for me, a man is taken until proven single. He actually has to prove to me, beyond a reasonable doubt, that he is indeed single. THAT is what it has come to over here. Ugh, parisians.
  14. Mistaken Identity
    April 07, 07:08 Reply
    [...] isn’t the first time I’ve been blindsided while trying to make a date.  I’m all for surprises.  Good surprises, that is.   Finding out [...]

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