Sometimes there’s just no other way around it. You’ve fallen out of love, lust or even like. The only reason you both remain is the convenience of a warm body and prospect of losing a piece of ass. There’s no need for hurt feelings, no need for angry words and wounded pride. Both parties know what’s happening. Enter “The Fade”.Several years ago, I dated a man addicted to Socom and The Simpsons. He considered public farting a spectator sport and couldn’t see his penis without aid of a mirror. I’m willing to bet, had I asked, that he would have admitted to playing Dungeons & Dragons as an adolescent. Why did I date him? Boredom and convenience. Behind his frat boy mentality was a goofy charm and lack of seriousness that was refreshing at the time.
There were no all night phone conversations ending with “you hang up first”. There were no discussions of our future, children’s names and how many dogs we were going to be the proud owners of. No expectations. Plain and simple, we just weren’t that into each other enough.
I continued to see other men and I’m sure he was seeing other women. We were both biding our time and on the lookout for something better. It was unspoken yet we both knew it and understood it. So when the time came for us both to move on there was no need for a sit down. No need for us to explain that our time laughing over Anchorman and Family Guy was at an end. We simply stopped hanging out as much. Phone calls and text messages slowed to an eventual halt and over time he became just another man from my past for me to mock and write about. We simply faded away.
But not every relationship ends so easily. Not everybody can be privy to “the fade” without ending up with hurt feelings. I have often times been the employer of such treatment. Over the years, I have become master of “the fade”. It’s not exactly something I would put on a resume but it has, in many ways, been a tactic I’ve put to good use. Why do I do it? Because I’m a wuss. I shy away from confrontation and don’t want to hurt feelings. I’m a lover, not a fighter. And if I no longer want to be your lover then I certainly don’t want to fight about it.
I’ve also been the receiver of “the fade” and enjoy that about as much as being given a root canal with a toothpick. It leaves things unanswered and unfinished. I can spot it right away once it begins and know that I should move on and be grateful that I wasn’t told I suck and am not good enough but it still stings, none the less.
So while I’m not a huge fan of “the fade” I will probably continue to use it and undoubtably also fall prey to it.
Thoughts?
This was the second post for the Insomnia Club. If you don’t know what it’s all about check it out here. This is a fun project that enjoys contributions from a variety of bloggers, from different backgrounds. This month’s topic is everyone’s favorite topic: “The Fade.” I encourage you to check out the posts on this topic from my other partners in crime, in the Insomnia Club. Links to their sites are below;
Hmmm… simply not having to view said hurt feelings doesn’t mean they aren’t going to exist. Plus, in this day and age, you can always send a text message and pretty much be able to still ignore them. At least the other person isn’t left hanging. You know?
But – I agree that, when faced with a fade, best to just suck it up and move the F on. No dwelling. It’s in our power to let the Fade be just that, too.
NikkiB recently posted..Sex- honesty- and what happens when you can handle them both
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Wow, your fade guy and my fade guy should get together for a fart show down. I bet you my guy would win.
Ha! <3
FeistyWoman recently posted..Fadeaway and Forget Me Not
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And something I’m sure he’d be extremely proud of, huh? Men!
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Am I the only guy left on earth who doesn’t believe in farting in front of your lover?
oxo
JFB
Jackie Summers recently posted..50 Ways to Leave Your Lover
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Sadly, yes.
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Fading is so very tempting. We humans, we are kind of lazy, and this kind of dating practice plays right into that. It is a standard tool in the dater’s arsenal. And even though I have vowed never to fade again after reading NikkiB’s post, I’m not sure how successful I will be with this new path that I have taken. I’m somewhat incompetent at life.
Man-shopper recently posted..Ms Fading Failure
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I think in this case, where it was clear the disinterest was mutual — then the fade is OK.
eg — I had a first date last week where it was pretty clear neither of us was interested. After dinner, we simply said, “thanks, nice meeting you!”. No followup of any sort necessary.
But in other cases, where one person is still clearly interested? It’s just a bit mean to fade away in that case, and leave them wondering. Just close that door in an adult manner.
Loverville recently posted..A lot can happen in a week!
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I have been on the other side of the fade out and it feels disrespectful when you have actually been involved with the person. I have also been guilty of the fade out when I have just gone on a few dates with someone and I just won’t return calls/texts. Every time I see that person reach out to me though I get anxious and it would have been much better if I was just straight up with them. I agree with NikkiB- you can always send a text in that situation.
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