Coffee, Tea…or Me?

It’s official, the 40 Year Old Virgin just isn’t into me. At least that’s the feeling I’m getting considering that he is now trying to fix me up with not one, but TWO of his friends.

Yes, you read that correctly. Mr. I Think You Are So Beautiful And I Really Like You And I Want To Take You Out (otherwise known as Mr. ITYASBAIRLYAIWTTYO) is now trying to fix me up with other people. It looks like I’ve found my very own personal matchmaker. The only problem is that I was interested in THIS guy. Not any of his friends.

After the last text message I received from him basically flaking on me, I wasn’t so sure I wanted to partake in this little game. As interested as I was in seeing him again (read: naked), I wanted him to know that I was not okay with him blowing me off.

But, I’m not completely innocent, which is why I actually entertained the idea of seeing him again. I had to take some of the blame considering how strongly I came on to him. I did, after all, almost devour him on our first date. It’s very possible I may have scared him a little bit. Those who know me or have met me, even once, know that I can be…what’s the word…a tad aggressive?

A week later he IMed me on Facebook:

Him: What’s up sexy? You’re so beautiful (Major points for choosing the right version of you’re and double points for calling me beautiful)

Me: Hey

Him: Are you doing ok?

Me: Yes. You?

Him: Just wanted to let you know that I like you a lot and didn’t want to hurt you. Because you’re really nice person  (Uh oh, I can see where this is going…)

Me: (Not wanting to stick around for the ax) Thanks. Take care.

Him: I want us to be good friends and I do want to see you again, babe! If that’s o.k with you. (There it is…let’s be “friends”)

Him: Let me make some money, because it’s slow a bit for me  (Huh?)

Him: We can go to comedy clubs and hang out and have a few drinks  (Is he trying to make a date or is this still us being “friends”? Because it’s starting to feel like a date. I could be wrong.)

Me: Ok? I’m a little confused but…ok?

Him: LOL!  (Not sure how my being confused is funny but…ok?)

Me: Even though I’m not sure what money has to do with anything.

Him: I’m not a prince from Saudi Arabia! If we go out and have a few drinks and want to eat dinner, they will send us a bill! lol  (Yes, I’m pretty familiar with consumerism and it’s cost)

Me: You were the one making all the plans to go here and there. If you would have asked me, I would have told you that I’m perfectly content hanging out at my place and not doing much. I think between you and me we can afford a six pack.

Him: lol!!!!! Yeah, but I want to take you out, babe.  (After all is said and done, I will probably be ditching this guy for his accessive use of “lol” and “babe”)

Me: I just don’t understand you. You try to get me to go out with you for 6 months then we go out and have a good time (or so I thought) and then you blow me off. I don’t think I want to play this game. (Pretty self explanatory)

Him: I’m not blowing you off! I’m writing you now.

Him: Talk to you later, sweetie! Gotta go to bed. Need to get up at 5a.m I have a client at 6:45a.m Goodnight.

And with that he was gone.

But it didn’t stop there. A few nights later, he left me a voicemail saying two of his friends had seen my pictures on Facebook and thought I was beautiful so he gave them my number. Wait, did you catch that? HE GAVE OUT MY NUMBER! What the hell was he thinking? Is he my fucking pimp now?

The next two voicemails were from “the friends”.  Needless to say, these calls have not been returned. I did email the 40 Yo Virgin though and let him know exactly how I felt about him passing me around like some damn party favor. He has since apologized profusely saying he “wasn’t thinking” and that he likes me too and blah, blah, blah.

It’s pretty safe to assume that I will NOT be seeing this guy again. Perfect body or no, he’s a complete and utter social retard. I just don’t have the patience to deal with such nonsense.


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  1. Single Steve
    April 13, 17:31 Reply
    haha! Don't date poor people. I'm a jerk for saying, but at least I could buy you dinner.
  2. brewers_rule
    April 13, 17:32 Reply
    Don't know what to say except us neanderthals can be a strange quirky breed. Perhaps he thought you found him too boring? I find that a lot w/women I know. I assume they won't be interested because they're more aggressive than I am so I don't pay attention if they're actually interested or not. Then again, I'm not 40, nor a virgin ;)<br /><br />Beautiful new profile pic!
  3. MissMelisaMae
    April 13, 21:04 Reply
    Steve, funny that you focused on the money aspect! I was trying to bypass that and focus on him trying to pimp me out! lol. And speaking of dinner...when are we going? Hm?<br /><br />Brewers, I have no idea what this guy was thinking so I won't even try. Let's just say his actions completely confuse me! And thanks for the compliment...stop it some more ;-)
  4. Anonymous
    April 13, 22:18 Reply
    Wow. Dude had a good thing but completely fucked it up... Wow<br /><br />-Clap
  5. Girl of True Heart
    April 14, 00:25 Reply
    Oh those middle eastern virgins and their pride about paying for everything...and then passing you around to their friends....geesh....
  6. JupaMan
    April 15, 04:35 Reply
    that's really fucked up. not only is he trying to be a "pimp", but he's bad at it too.. tsk tsk.. as you said. "NEXT"
  7. Julie
    April 15, 13:44 Reply
    Wowza. OK he lost me at "babe". I can't stand it when men I barely know use that term to try and make me feel closer to them. Or hotter. LOL
  8. MissMelisaMae
    April 22, 07:40 Reply
    I know, Julie, the whole "babe" thing got old...fast!<br /><br />Sweet D and Jupa, I'm not sure why he felt it ok to pass me around and think I wouldn't mind but as Clap commented "he had a good thing and completely fucked it up"!

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